I hate you for ruining cars for me, “Twilight” – a rant.

As evidenced in prior articles, I’m female. So in order to write this article I will have to admit that yes, I did read The Twilight Saga, and yes, I went to see both movies. (And yes, I am full of self-loathing for both.) But, as this is a car website, I will not wax poetic on physiques or dreamy fictional characters. Instead, I will wax poetic about “shiny silver Volvos” and how Stephenie Meyer, author of the novels (and I use the term loosely) has destroyed them for me. Just to clarify, by “wax poetic”, I mean “rant mildly nonsensically”.

I realize I seem to be writing a lot about Volvos, but I am legitimately and vehemently upset. In the novel, the male heartthrob, Edward Cullen, drives a “shiny silver Volvo” and there are a lot of side comments about that throughout the series.

Oh, cool, they’re talking about my car! My sexy, classic, timeless car! Or so I thought. But no, how wrong I was. Tween girls, the skinny, bespectacled, sparkle eyeshadow-wearing populace, have flocked to shiny silver Volvos. Volvo, my beloved Volvo, even released an advertisement centered around “Twilight”.

NOT. OK. Do you understand me, Volvo? NOT. OK.

You see, I always believed Volvo to be classy - the paragon of lovely cars that lovely people drive. I have yet to meet a Volvo owner that wasn’t classy. You know those tweens? They can’t drive yet. They can’t even see over the steering wheel. (I’m aware I can’t, either, but my freakish stature is irrelevant to this rant.) Did you really have to get involved, Volvo?

I do realize that perhaps the classier and wiser Volvo owners would, hopefully (really really really hopefully), not understand The Twilight Saga/Volvo advertisements. But this seems unlikely. The film is breaking records and has infiltrated our culture.

But I did harbor a desperate, secret hope that some companies would rise above it. Some companies would say “Screw, the recession, let’s not zero in on this million-dollar possibility and keep our self-respect instead.” I was wrong.

I’m talking to you, Volvo.

Image Credit: http//a6.vox.com